Thursday, March 27, 2008
Friday, August 17, 2007
Update
I cant be called a blogger anymore coz blobbers actually blog and i haven’t in ages.
Some interesting shit has happened in the last few months.
Car meets concrete:
Take an Audi and a pavement at 2 am and throw them together and your life becomes a complete nightmare. Loser syndrome as never before.
Saturday night: Crashed car. Live. Have car towed. Get lift home on tow truck along with baby seat, pram and soft toys. Meet fiancé in passage carrying said items. Explain. Argue. Lose argument. Apologize. Sleep.
Monday: Insurance company sounds skeptical at story that resulted in damage to car.
Insurance company appoints former KGB secret policemen to investigate accident. Questioning ensues.
5 weeks later insurance company gives permission to fix car. Rapid weightless ceases, unfortunately.
Another month later and car is returned looking newer than new along with a financial surprise thats gonna take a while to stop stinging.
That and 2 stomach bugs and a bout of flu have meant i cant write my name never mind anything witty or remotely interesting...
Some interesting shit has happened in the last few months.
Car meets concrete:
Take an Audi and a pavement at 2 am and throw them together and your life becomes a complete nightmare. Loser syndrome as never before.
Saturday night: Crashed car. Live. Have car towed. Get lift home on tow truck along with baby seat, pram and soft toys. Meet fiancé in passage carrying said items. Explain. Argue. Lose argument. Apologize. Sleep.
Monday: Insurance company sounds skeptical at story that resulted in damage to car.
Insurance company appoints former KGB secret policemen to investigate accident. Questioning ensues.
5 weeks later insurance company gives permission to fix car. Rapid weightless ceases, unfortunately.
Another month later and car is returned looking newer than new along with a financial surprise thats gonna take a while to stop stinging.
That and 2 stomach bugs and a bout of flu have meant i cant write my name never mind anything witty or remotely interesting...
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
An apple a day....
Got this little treat pushed into my hands 2 weeks ago in the Durban CBD. Why was i in the CBD walking so purposefully with a laptop? A facking large company i shall not name has a no parking for visitors policy, nice, especially when the closest parking was 4 blocks away..... Anyhow lets not wait any longer. Feast your eyes on this piece of marketing magic from one Proffessor (sic) Dumba:
A few things to note here, other than the glaringly obvious gems that litter his profile of services:
Proffessor Dumba decided he would not be happy at all with a menial doctors title, fuck that, he shot high! A Proffessor, although horribly misspell comes with so much more credibility for the, no doubt, extremely intelligent target market.
He's open all the time, good thing that considering the flocks of people who need help making more rounds during sex..... Rounds? WTF
Anyone who can help with diabetes and controlling early ejaculation deserves to be a Proffessor in my book!
He brings back your stolen stuff. This is a groundbreaker, is he the guy who stole my blue Golf in 2000 in Musgrave Road?
I have kindly left the Prof's contact details should anyone feel the need to further enlighten or entertain themselves.
My personal favorite has to be the subtle advertising of the printers who produced this little cracker. Freedom Printers you winners! Who wouldnt want to be associated with this incredible man. Co-branding at its best!
A few things to note here, other than the glaringly obvious gems that litter his profile of services:
Proffessor Dumba decided he would not be happy at all with a menial doctors title, fuck that, he shot high! A Proffessor, although horribly misspell comes with so much more credibility for the, no doubt, extremely intelligent target market.
He's open all the time, good thing that considering the flocks of people who need help making more rounds during sex..... Rounds? WTF
Anyone who can help with diabetes and controlling early ejaculation deserves to be a Proffessor in my book!
He brings back your stolen stuff. This is a groundbreaker, is he the guy who stole my blue Golf in 2000 in Musgrave Road?
I have kindly left the Prof's contact details should anyone feel the need to further enlighten or entertain themselves.
My personal favorite has to be the subtle advertising of the printers who produced this little cracker. Freedom Printers you winners! Who wouldnt want to be associated with this incredible man. Co-branding at its best!
Gotta love Africa!
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Morning Knobs
To the two knobs i call mates who found this blog eventually, well done. The one found it all his own with some great investigative work. The other took fukken ages and only after i told him about 5 times, admittedly he was a tad 'ammered when i divulged the name but still, sharpen up slapper.
Since the discovery coincided with a serious lack of creativity i haven’t blogged much and this has resulted in much unhappiness from the bored little pricks. Thus in order to fulfill their otherwise shity lives with a little quality writing i have decided to do a post. i just dont know what to write about.
I vomited at a bachelors last week?
I plan to vomit at the wedding?
I still don’t have a wedding plan for my own wedding but plenty of good intentions.
I dont have a set date for my wedding yet but im already shitting myself for the bachelors.
I am loving the following music at present:
- Fall out Boy
- The Fray
- Chemical Romance
- Staind
- Audioslave
I am loving the following other miscellaneous things:
- the lack of sweaty heat
- internet
- Cool Running in Fourways not because im a stoner or a trend buny but because no cops hang out between it and my house and of course due to the waitress' having that much loved "Deer in the headlights" look.
-My kid, who's fast becoming a talking and crawling monster.
-money, i have fack all of it at the moment thus i really would to learn to love it
-SuperM Strawberry milk
-Beer Shandy, am i gay?
I hate to be negative about anything, as the two knobs really need love and light in their lives but a really big Fuck You goes out to Telkom for screwing around with our telephone lines at the Saltmine here in Rivonia. I got less than two hours sleep because of your inefficient and idiotic service. Bring on Neotel! It cant really be any worse, can it?
Since the discovery coincided with a serious lack of creativity i haven’t blogged much and this has resulted in much unhappiness from the bored little pricks. Thus in order to fulfill their otherwise shity lives with a little quality writing i have decided to do a post. i just dont know what to write about.
I vomited at a bachelors last week?
I plan to vomit at the wedding?
I still don’t have a wedding plan for my own wedding but plenty of good intentions.
I dont have a set date for my wedding yet but im already shitting myself for the bachelors.
I am loving the following music at present:
- Fall out Boy
- The Fray
- Chemical Romance
- Staind
- Audioslave
I am loving the following other miscellaneous things:
- the lack of sweaty heat
- internet
- Cool Running in Fourways not because im a stoner or a trend buny but because no cops hang out between it and my house and of course due to the waitress' having that much loved "Deer in the headlights" look.
-My kid, who's fast becoming a talking and crawling monster.
-money, i have fack all of it at the moment thus i really would to learn to love it
-SuperM Strawberry milk
-Beer Shandy, am i gay?
I hate to be negative about anything, as the two knobs really need love and light in their lives but a really big Fuck You goes out to Telkom for screwing around with our telephone lines at the Saltmine here in Rivonia. I got less than two hours sleep because of your inefficient and idiotic service. Bring on Neotel! It cant really be any worse, can it?
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Boss, can i get an increase?
Read from the bottom........
Hectic career limiting move......
Not clever at all!
-----Original Message-----
From: Vaughan Berry [mailto:vb@provantage.co.za]
Sent: 12 March 2007 08:59 AM
To: iyasseen@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: this woman is so pathetic.see her e-mail below
Dear Ishaad,
Provantage Media would like to extend their sincerest apologies to Sheldean Human, the Human family and anyone else who has read the callous and thoughtless comments made by one of our staff members in an email entitled 'stop telling me to wear pink', sent out on 7 March 2007.
Provantage Media would like to categorically state that the views and opinion expressed by this individual in the email are in no way the views and opinion of the company. In expressing her views on this matter the person in question was acting in her personal capacity, entirely on her own accord. The severity of this matter has however been acknowledged by the company and has been dealt with in the appropriate internal manner by the Provantage Media board of directors.
Provantage Media is a company with strong family values and were devastated to hear of the senseless and gruesome acts that befell Sheldean Human.
Provantage Media send their deepest condolences to the Human family and everyone else affected by this tragedy. Provantage Media are proud South Africans and are always willing to show their support in this country's fight against crime. Provantage Media were also very proud participants in the show of solidarity that took place across the country on Friday 9 March for Sheldean Human and will continue to show our support in any future initiatives.
Vaughan Berry
Provantage Media
011.706.4666
083.388.7115
From: Carmen Vermaak [mailto:carmen@provantage.co.za]
Sent: Wednesday, March 07, 2007 1:26 PM
To: Carmen Vermaak
Subject: Stop telling me to wear pink!
Please everyone stop emailing me and telling me to wear pink on Friday in memory of some poor sod who was killed or lost or stolen or WHATEVER!
I don't really give a shyte about poor old Sheldy Weldy who was a victim of crime in our country - we are ALL victims of crime in this country and all of us wearing pink is the most useless idea I've ever heard of in my life to fight crime. What on EARTH is wearing PINK going to do to make this country a better place???
Is a criminal going to skip over the people with pink shirts?
Stop wasting everyone's time and when you think of an idea that will actually make a difference share it with your family, your friends don't actually care.
Thank you
Hectic career limiting move......
Not clever at all!
-----Original Message-----
From: Vaughan Berry [mailto:vb@provantage.co.za]
Sent: 12 March 2007 08:59 AM
To: iyasseen@hotmail.com
Subject: FW: this woman is so pathetic.see her e-mail below
Dear Ishaad,
Provantage Media would like to extend their sincerest apologies to Sheldean Human, the Human family and anyone else who has read the callous and thoughtless comments made by one of our staff members in an email entitled 'stop telling me to wear pink', sent out on 7 March 2007.
Provantage Media would like to categorically state that the views and opinion expressed by this individual in the email are in no way the views and opinion of the company. In expressing her views on this matter the person in question was acting in her personal capacity, entirely on her own accord. The severity of this matter has however been acknowledged by the company and has been dealt with in the appropriate internal manner by the Provantage Media board of directors.
Provantage Media is a company with strong family values and were devastated to hear of the senseless and gruesome acts that befell Sheldean Human.
Provantage Media send their deepest condolences to the Human family and everyone else affected by this tragedy. Provantage Media are proud South Africans and are always willing to show their support in this country's fight against crime. Provantage Media were also very proud participants in the show of solidarity that took place across the country on Friday 9 March for Sheldean Human and will continue to show our support in any future initiatives.
Vaughan Berry
Provantage Media
011.706.4666
083.388.7115
From: Carmen Vermaak [mailto:carmen@provantage.co.za]
Sent: Wednesday, March 07, 2007 1:26 PM
To: Carmen Vermaak
Subject: Stop telling me to wear pink!
Please everyone stop emailing me and telling me to wear pink on Friday in memory of some poor sod who was killed or lost or stolen or WHATEVER!
I don't really give a shyte about poor old Sheldy Weldy who was a victim of crime in our country - we are ALL victims of crime in this country and all of us wearing pink is the most useless idea I've ever heard of in my life to fight crime. What on EARTH is wearing PINK going to do to make this country a better place???
Is a criminal going to skip over the people with pink shirts?
Stop wasting everyone's time and when you think of an idea that will actually make a difference share it with your family, your friends don't actually care.
Thank you
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
My 2 cents worth
I think Paul Harris is a f*cken hero. He had the balls to try and do something to stop crime. A lot more than anyone else i have heard of!
There i have said it.
On another note, due to the fact that i now so many world leaders read blogs:
Mr Mbeki,
Good day, i trust this letter finds you and your family well.
As a true patriot and incredibly passionate South African it pains me to see so many of my countrymen and women being effected by crime. Crime is scaring me to the point that i feel guilty towards my newborn daughter for not looking at options beyond the borders of the country i love. A part of me will die if i have to leave SA, is that a big part to sacrifice versus one of my families lives? People are dying sir, your people.
Your people are crying for your help and leadership against this massive challenge.
History will judge all of us on what we do to stop the killing of innocent mothers, children and brothers.
Please don’t let your inactivity tarnish all our lives.
Please feel free to pop a quick response in the comments section below.
Big up
Billy
P.S: If you could talk to Bob about the whole economic issue up north i would appreciate it.
There i have said it.
On another note, due to the fact that i now so many world leaders read blogs:
Mr Mbeki,
Good day, i trust this letter finds you and your family well.
As a true patriot and incredibly passionate South African it pains me to see so many of my countrymen and women being effected by crime. Crime is scaring me to the point that i feel guilty towards my newborn daughter for not looking at options beyond the borders of the country i love. A part of me will die if i have to leave SA, is that a big part to sacrifice versus one of my families lives? People are dying sir, your people.
Your people are crying for your help and leadership against this massive challenge.
History will judge all of us on what we do to stop the killing of innocent mothers, children and brothers.
Please don’t let your inactivity tarnish all our lives.
Please feel free to pop a quick response in the comments section below.
Big up
Billy
P.S: If you could talk to Bob about the whole economic issue up north i would appreciate it.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Good shit!
My old man beat cancer! Got the news today from the oncologist!
As my dad put it: If it dont pay rent its got to get the fuck out! Not the standard response you expect from someone who has endured chemo but then again my dad's not a normal guy.
What else is up?
I believe SA is on the verge of a massive public backlash to the governments denial of our crime problems. I have it on good authority that big business is about to start throwing some big toys out of the cot. The murder of David Rattray is going to push a few people closer to revolt against what has become a far to easy to accept crime infested pit.
My daughters the bomb! She is cuter by the day and i am falling more and more in love with her. We started her on "real" food on saturday. Its a milestone! It was also hilarious, imagine having something new in your mouth after 5 months of milk! (Keep it clean people!)
Trying to plan a wedding is turning into a mission of note, that and its f'ing expensive! As soon as photographers/ florists/ caterers here its a wedding they get so excited you can literally hear the piggy bank swelling! When dreams and budget come head to head its gonna get messy!
Later all,
Billy
As my dad put it: If it dont pay rent its got to get the fuck out! Not the standard response you expect from someone who has endured chemo but then again my dad's not a normal guy.
What else is up?
I believe SA is on the verge of a massive public backlash to the governments denial of our crime problems. I have it on good authority that big business is about to start throwing some big toys out of the cot. The murder of David Rattray is going to push a few people closer to revolt against what has become a far to easy to accept crime infested pit.
My daughters the bomb! She is cuter by the day and i am falling more and more in love with her. We started her on "real" food on saturday. Its a milestone! It was also hilarious, imagine having something new in your mouth after 5 months of milk! (Keep it clean people!)
Trying to plan a wedding is turning into a mission of note, that and its f'ing expensive! As soon as photographers/ florists/ caterers here its a wedding they get so excited you can literally hear the piggy bank swelling! When dreams and budget come head to head its gonna get messy!
Later all,
Billy
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Happy New Year kids
I trust you all had a cracker of a holiday and a merry merry Christmas.
I quick breakdown of mine includes:
Getting engaged.
Girlfriend Fiancé, child and I went on a cruise.
Went to bed before new years eve happened, still cant believe it.
Never got pissed once in 3 weeks.
Read 2 books and umpteen mags.
Watched my daughter grow up before my very eyes over 3 weeks.
Chilled long and hard.
Saw whales, no not Wales, whales.
Didn’t sit in traffic once.
It was perfect.
I quick breakdown of mine includes:
Getting engaged.
Went to bed before new years eve happened, still cant believe it.
Never got pissed once in 3 weeks.
Read 2 books and umpteen mags.
Watched my daughter grow up before my very eyes over 3 weeks.
Chilled long and hard.
Saw whales, no not Wales, whales.
Didn’t sit in traffic once.
It was perfect.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Its a great deal, really, the handling is particularly good.
I couldnt believe my eyes.....
M1 today. This guy at one stage was doing 100k's plus!
And i get bust for doing 114 in 100k zone getting out the way for an ambulance!
M1 today. This guy at one stage was doing 100k's plus!
And i get bust for doing 114 in 100k zone getting out the way for an ambulance!
Friday, December 08, 2006
Please come to SA we wont hurt you.....
"A visiting European swimming official has been gang-raped near the Durban beachfront paddling pools while her male companion, also a tourist, was held down.The shocking attack on Wednesday was at the Lower Marine Parade children’s paddling pools, the scene of the gang rape of three teenagers on December 16, the Day of Reconciliation, last year.The latest gang-rape came just a day after Durban unveiled its beefed up holiday safety programme.The victim, whose age is unknown, was in town with her team which was competing in this week’s International Paralympic Committee’s (IPC) Swimming World Championships at the King’s Park Aquatic Centre."
Speechless.
Speechless.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Big ups and FU's
Its that time of the year for a stocktake:
Big Ups
People like this guy, thank God people like him exist.
My dad for so far having fought off the cancer.
My daughter for being born against a shitload of odds in August.
My mates for making 2006 a cracker year. Large portions of the year are a tad blurry thanks to them.
Mothers.
These guys for making sick kids life a little better.
This little dude for making me believe in so much i had forgotten, he's also the strongest guy i have ever heard of.
My lovely goose who gave birth to my kid so bravely and who continues to be the best mom any little girl could want.
FU's
This idiot for dragging its huge ass while people died unnecessarily of AIDS
The government for not doing enough to stop the crime thats tearing our country apart and leaving kids without parents and wives without husbands
Big Ups
People like this guy, thank God people like him exist.
My dad for so far having fought off the cancer.
My daughter for being born against a shitload of odds in August.
My mates for making 2006 a cracker year. Large portions of the year are a tad blurry thanks to them.
Mothers.
These guys for making sick kids life a little better.
This little dude for making me believe in so much i had forgotten, he's also the strongest guy i have ever heard of.
My lovely goose who gave birth to my kid so bravely and who continues to be the best mom any little girl could want.
FU's
This idiot for dragging its huge ass while people died unnecessarily of AIDS
The government for not doing enough to stop the crime thats tearing our country apart and leaving kids without parents and wives without husbands
Work, i need a holiday!
People who owe me money
Audi Fourways for being inept and stupid. They also lost a client, me.
Me, for not finding more time to enrich others lives.
Kentucky Fried Chicken for dumping the hot and spicy wings, they were the only thing i could eat from your oil pit.
TBC.......
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Im Old!
Well not that bad i guess, 29 on Thursday the 16th November.
Birthdays rock. I have loved them since i can remember and still love them. I hope that never ends.
Monday, November 13, 2006
Amazing
From yesterdays Sunday Times
Hogarth can’t help but feel sorry for the ANC’s Ngoako Ramathlodi. Not only does he have those pesky arachnids on his case but he now has to deal with having the ANC Youth League as supporters.
A certain ANCYL official called Julius Malema issued a statement this week, threatening the Scorpions with eternal damnation. Add your own (sics): “The ANCYL in Limpopo has learned with shocked about the raid by Scorpion on the home of our former premier Ngoako Ramathlodi. We view this as another disturbing and treat to our democracy. We heard of this investigations firstly in 2003 and today we are in 2006 and to us is effectively three years of investigations on one individual.”
And so on
Malema continued: “We are conviced by the say that says ‘Justice delays is justice denied’ and we see this practically happened to Ngoako Ramathlodi. In this regard we are over concerned about the overprolonging and unending investigations on our greatest leader. We are of a view that unending investigations against one individual must be challenged because it will never be the rule of law instead is a rule of anarchy.”
To top it all
Not to be outdone, the youth league’s head office issued its own incomprehensible missive, this time in defence of the karaoke singer.
Said league president Fikile Mbalula: “The NPA bungled the [Jacob Zuma] case and it was struck off the roll but people ... go around saying they will charge Zuma again. We are not intimidated by starrings that they will charge tomorrow or whenever. They have to apply law not catering. We are not going to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to promise to charge when there is no case. Lessons should be drawn from the beautiful Judge Willem van Merwe who applied law during rape trial,” said he.
A Z500 cash prize for the most accurate translation.
Classic! Julius Malema, you biscuit!
Hogarth can’t help but feel sorry for the ANC’s Ngoako Ramathlodi. Not only does he have those pesky arachnids on his case but he now has to deal with having the ANC Youth League as supporters.
A certain ANCYL official called Julius Malema issued a statement this week, threatening the Scorpions with eternal damnation. Add your own (sics): “The ANCYL in Limpopo has learned with shocked about the raid by Scorpion on the home of our former premier Ngoako Ramathlodi. We view this as another disturbing and treat to our democracy. We heard of this investigations firstly in 2003 and today we are in 2006 and to us is effectively three years of investigations on one individual.”
And so on
Malema continued: “We are conviced by the say that says ‘Justice delays is justice denied’ and we see this practically happened to Ngoako Ramathlodi. In this regard we are over concerned about the overprolonging and unending investigations on our greatest leader. We are of a view that unending investigations against one individual must be challenged because it will never be the rule of law instead is a rule of anarchy.”
To top it all
Not to be outdone, the youth league’s head office issued its own incomprehensible missive, this time in defence of the karaoke singer.
Said league president Fikile Mbalula: “The NPA bungled the [Jacob Zuma] case and it was struck off the roll but people ... go around saying they will charge Zuma again. We are not intimidated by starrings that they will charge tomorrow or whenever. They have to apply law not catering. We are not going to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to promise to charge when there is no case. Lessons should be drawn from the beautiful Judge Willem van Merwe who applied law during rape trial,” said he.
A Z500 cash prize for the most accurate translation.
Classic! Julius Malema, you biscuit!
Monday, October 30, 2006
Genius.
Cant wait for this idiot to get a seat in parliament.
Ladies and gentlemen may i present a royal twit:
ANC Youth League president Fikile Mbalula
Im not sure i need to point out more than this little gem that stumbled out Fikile's mouth:
"You must go back and tell Mugabe that we love what he is doing for the people of Zimbabwe. He is doing a good work. You must tell him that we love him."
Fuck off Fikile, good work is when a country is on its knees and desperate?
Must be a well educated little mutt our Fikile.
Its morons like this that make the world wonder if all of us on the southern tip of the dark continent live in loin cloth and pick fleas out of each others heads.
Tool.
Ladies and gentlemen may i present a royal twit:
ANC Youth League president Fikile Mbalula
Im not sure i need to point out more than this little gem that stumbled out Fikile's mouth:
"You must go back and tell Mugabe that we love what he is doing for the people of Zimbabwe. He is doing a good work. You must tell him that we love him."
Fuck off Fikile, good work is when a country is on its knees and desperate?
Must be a well educated little mutt our Fikile.
Its morons like this that make the world wonder if all of us on the southern tip of the dark continent live in loin cloth and pick fleas out of each others heads.
Tool.
Live Rocked.
It was without doubt one of the best ever in my opinion! I am still a bit slow from abusing myself but it was well worth it.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Thursday, October 26, 2006
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
I need to bitch.
This shit has too stop!!!!
But this is more important?
Do me a favour! Get your priorities right. People are dying!
How can i honestly not think about finding a safer place to bring my daughter up in?
Friday, October 20, 2006
She Smiles!!!
I always thought being a dad would be cool but tough. It turns out its so cool you dont realise its tough.
When they flash that toothless grin at you it all seems too easy!
I must however admit that the dirty nappy thing has still got me mock charging at every turn but im hoping thats just a silly dad stage!
I am doubting that mom will be going back to work anytime soon though(if ever) which im actually very cool with, i really would prefer the boss gets her mom around than the money mom brings in.
On other matters:
Work: Is going absolutely ape shit. A good ape though so its all good.
Holidays: Booked family on cruise and hopefully a ripper of a new years with mates back on dry land.
Dad: Still on chemo but seems to be doing fine, watching him with my daughter is insane, i ever thought he would be half as taken as he is.
Have a good weekend kids.
Later!
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