Its a great deal, really, the handling is particularly good.

I couldnt believe my eyes.....


M1 today. This guy at one stage was doing 100k's plus!

And i get bust for doing 114 in 100k zone getting out the way for an ambulance!

Please come to SA we wont hurt you.....

"A visiting European swimming official has been gang-raped near the Durban beachfront paddling pools while her male companion, also a tourist, was held down.The shocking attack on Wednesday was at the Lower Marine Parade children’s paddling pools, the scene of the gang rape of three teenagers on December 16, the Day of Reconciliation, last year.The latest gang-rape came just a day after Durban unveiled its beefed up holiday safety programme.The victim, whose age is unknown, was in town with her team which was competing in this week’s International Paralympic Committee’s (IPC) Swimming World Championships at the King’s Park Aquatic Centre."





Speechless.

Big ups and FU's

Its that time of the year for a stocktake:



Big Ups



People like this guy, thank God people like him exist.


My dad for so far having fought off the cancer.


My daughter for being born against a shitload of odds in August.


My mates for making 2006 a cracker year. Large portions of the year are a tad blurry thanks to them.


Mothers.


These guys for making sick kids life a little better.


This little dude for making me believe in so much i had forgotten, he's also the strongest guy i have ever heard of.


My lovely goose who gave birth to my kid so bravely and who continues to be the best mom any little girl could want.



FU's


This idiot for dragging its huge ass while people died unnecessarily of AIDS


The government for not doing enough to stop the crime thats tearing our country apart and leaving kids without parents and wives without husbands

Work, i need a holiday!

People who owe me money

Audi Fourways for being inept and stupid. They also lost a client, me.

Me, for not finding more time to enrich others lives.

Kentucky Fried Chicken for dumping the hot and spicy wings, they were the only thing i could eat from your oil pit.

TBC.......

Im Old!

Well not that bad i guess, 29 on Thursday the 16th November.

Birthdays rock. I have loved them since i can remember and still love them. I hope that never ends.

Amazing

From yesterdays Sunday Times


Hogarth can’t help but feel sorry for the ANC’s Ngoako Ramathlodi. Not only does he have those pesky arachnids on his case but he now has to deal with having the ANC Youth League as supporters.

A certain ANCYL official called Julius Malema issued a statement this week, threatening the Scorpions with eternal damnation. Add your own (sics): “The ANCYL in Limpopo has learned with shocked about the raid by Scorpion on the home of our former premier Ngoako Ramathlodi. We view this as another disturbing and treat to our democracy. We heard of this investigations firstly in 2003 and today we are in 2006 and to us is effectively three years of investigations on one individual.”

And so on

Malema continued: “We are conviced by the say that says ‘Justice delays is justice denied’ and we see this practically happened to Ngoako Ramathlodi. In this regard we are over concerned about the overprolonging and unending investigations on our greatest leader. We are of a view that unending investigations against one individual must be challenged because it will never be the rule of law instead is a rule of anarchy.”

To top it all

Not to be outdone, the youth league’s head office issued its own incomprehensible missive, this time in defence of the karaoke singer.
Said league president Fikile Mbalula: “The NPA bungled the [Jacob Zuma] case and it was struck off the roll but people ... go around saying they will charge Zuma again. We are not intimidated by starrings that they will charge tomorrow or whenever. They have to apply law not catering. We are not going to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to promise to charge when there is no case. Lessons should be drawn from the beautiful Judge Willem van Merwe who applied law during rape trial,” said he.

A Z500 cash prize for the most accurate translation.


Classic! Julius Malema, you biscuit!

Genius.

Cant wait for this idiot to get a seat in parliament.

Ladies and gentlemen may i present a royal twit:

ANC Youth League president Fikile Mbalula


Im not sure i need to point out more than this little gem that stumbled out Fikile's mouth:

"You must go back and tell Mugabe that we love what he is doing for the people of Zimbabwe. He is doing a good work. You must tell him that we love him."



Fuck off Fikile, good work is when a country is on its knees and desperate?

Must be a well educated little mutt our Fikile.

Its morons like this that make the world wonder if all of us on the southern tip of the dark continent live in loin cloth and pick fleas out of each others heads.

Tool.

Live Rocked.

It was without doubt one of the best ever in my opinion! I am still a bit slow from abusing myself but it was well worth it.

Funny

Very True

Population Control

Spotted on the Krugersdorp highway yesterday at 140km/hr.

Brave, very brave.

I need to bitch.

This shit has too stop!!!!

Boy sees dad being shot

Mom shot dead for screaming

But this is more important?

Metro cops herd cars on highway

Do me a favour! Get your priorities right. People are dying!

How can i honestly not think about finding a safer place to bring my daughter up in?

She Smiles!!!

I always thought being a dad would be cool but tough. It turns out its so cool you dont realise its tough.

When they flash that toothless grin at you it all seems too easy!

I must however admit that the dirty nappy thing has still got me mock charging at every turn but im hoping thats just a silly dad stage!

I am doubting that mom will be going back to work anytime soon though(if ever) which im actually very cool with, i really would prefer the boss gets her mom around than the money mom brings in.

On other matters:

Work: Is going absolutely ape shit. A good ape though so its all good.

Holidays: Booked family on cruise and hopefully a ripper of a new years with mates back on dry land.

Dad: Still on chemo but seems to be doing fine, watching him with my daughter is insane, i ever thought he would be half as taken as he is.

Have a good weekend kids.

Later!

So sad!

This just kills me. Not only for the loss of a life of a kid but what the dad must be going through and what the rest of his life will be like.

Giving my lovely little one a huge hug tonight!

Dude: My thoughts are with you and your family. May you little boy be safe in the arms of angels.

Feed it garlic and potatoes

Health minister Manto Tshabalala-Msimang has been admitted to hospital with a lung infection, her spokesman said on Friday.

blaa blaaa



The Department of Health wished her a speedy recovery.


I dont. I would prefer if it fell through its ass.


Or as an anonymous source put it:

Ventilate that lung with a 9mm lead capsule

My Angel - Bent....

Get Better Soon Hamster!

Dont you dare stop improving! You beauty!

Out of Office

Im outta here for the rest of the week. Taking some time in Durban with the family.

Take care .

Anyone notice something wrong with this paragraph?

"His first novel, Spud, published by Penguin Books and launched nationally in September 2005, became an instant bestseller. The book was also selected for the Exclusive Books Publishers Choice 2005. John is currently doing an artist in residency at The Rhaboobeah Hilton and is completing the sequel to Spud which will be published by Penguin Books and released in late 2006. "


From http://www.ukzn.ac.za/cca/images/tow/TOW2006/bios/Ruit.htm

The good news, aside from him doing an artist, is there is a sequel on the way.

Morning Idiocy

Not sure what the fucking rocket scientists pictured above on the right side of the road thought the oncoming traffic would do?????????

Here's more of the tools.

If anyone knows any of the cars/people above please get in contact with me, i havent met a complete fucking moron in a while.

My Little Sleep Depriver

And well worth every long day!

Its rude to stare....

I cant explain why but this really made my day yesterday.....

My Angel Arrived!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She has arrived! 2 weeks early but in very good shape.


















She is amazing. Even if i do say so myself.

Imagine this at JHB stadium!

Or anywhere in SA for that matter!

4 weeks and counting!

She's in there somewhere!

I have a funny feeling we aren’t going to make the caesarian date.....

Life’s about to change in a big way. I can honestly say im happy for it to do so.
If i never have another hangover again so be it. Although I doubt it.


Life’s weird though. As time nears for the birth of my daughter I find out my dads got cancer.
He's having an operation this week to remove a tumor from his colon but the prognosis looks as good as having cancer can be.

Life. Odd.

FYI....

My daughter makes her arrival today in 5 weeks time.....




Im shitting myself, in a good way though!

Romance Scoring

In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do
something she dislikes and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry,
that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow(0)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1) You go out to buy
her
what she wants (+5) In the rain (+8) But return with Beer (-5)

You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing(0)
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
It's her pet (-10)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party (0)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
buddy(-2)
Named Tina (-4)
Tina is a dancer (-6)
Tina has silicon implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner (0)
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
And it's all-you-can-eat night(-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted
the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie (+2)
You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
You take her to a movie you like (-2)
It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)



YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it(+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

ENJOY THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you lose points no matter
what]

You hesitate in responding (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what
looks like a concerned expression (0)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)

Pass the joint, bru

Classic!



You have to love the average municiple workers dedication to their jobs!













"Instead of writing the stop road marking sign that all motorists and pedestrians are familiar with, the eThekwini Municipality's Traffic Operations unit officials made a blunder by putting in "SOTP". The word is not available in any of South Africa's 11 official languages."


I love SA!

Life at present:

1. Its about 9 weeks until i become a father. I am crapping myself properly!

2. Works insane. Can’t see the wood for the tree's and I want to murder at least 30 percent of the people I deal with on a daily basis.

3. I tore the arse out of it in Durban at a boys weekend and still can’t remember much from the Saturday night.

4. I’m not sure I have recovered yet; it has only been 9 days.....

5. My beloved cars days are numbered and it’s hurting.

6. My mates getting married in 3 weeks and I feel the need to organize his bachelors even though im not the best man, i dont even think he has a best man.

7. My ex fiancés having a baby too, odd. It doesn’t hurt anymore, i think.

8. I found this very funny

9. Im about as creative as a municipal worker lately, today is no exception and thus i must apologize for having a very, very boring blog.

10. Its Thursday today so tomorrow’s Friday. That’s a very good thing.....

Absolutely Brilliant!

One of the best i have seen in a while!!

BBC apologizes for tech interview gaffe


The network has apologized to its viewers for a studio mix up that resulted in a man mistakenly appearing on live television as Guy Kewney -- an expert on Internet music downloads.
In fact the man was Guy Goma, a Congolese man applying for a technology-related job with the British Broadcasting Corp. Goma followed an employee to the studio after a mistake at a reception desk, the corporation said late Monday


The videos here if you want to see it,

My favourite Idiot

Never one to hog the news, our intrepid former Deputy President is about to meet his destiny on Monday. Although a rape conviction will probably make his supporters more enraged at the terrible way he was treated it should eliminate the vermin from becoming the President, i hope.


If only they would do this more often!

Shut the fuck up, that is.

I find this very interesting:

Mohau also confirmed that Zuma would speak at a fundraising concert for him in Soweto on Sunday. Fourteen Maskandi groups would perform and tickets at R55 a person would be sold at the gates to Jabulani Ampitheatre.

I wonder how many of his supporters will put there money where there mouths are....
and for that matter how many women arrive in skirts to be nailed by the big JZ.

My 2 wishes for May:
Bob Mugabe gets dysentery and falls through his own arse and dies.
Zuma gets raped by a big boy called Danny and moves too Australia to become the head of the outback AIDS foundation.

Im going to be a father

Thats a arm you see.
She's due in August and its a miracle she made it this far. Its been a long 5 months but after having lost a little boy at the same 2 years ago we have confirmation that this little princess is a keeper.

Miracles do happen........


Happy Monday!!!

Happy Easter Bunnies!!!

Have a great weekend all. May it be safe and wicked all at the same time!







That is a bunny picture before anyone asks.

One less easter egg? A beer less?

A worthy cause if i have ever seen one!

If you can afford it sms or make a donation, if not at least spread the message.

Come and get me?

This is now officially known as " Yes I want you, give it too me now"

Jacob Zuma believed the woman who accused him of rape was sending him sexual signals, the Johannesburg High Court heard on Tuesday.
Zuma said the woman had never visited him wearing a skirt before. On the night of the alleged rape, she arrived wearing a knee-length skirt.

Genius. Pure Genius.


Im embarrassed to be a male.

What? You must be joking?

Which complete fucking idiot is refered too below:

"He told the court he did not think he placed his rape accuser at risk of HIV/Aids or any other sexually transmitted disease by not using a condom.

Is it:
a) Homer Simpson?








b) A mentally challenged inividual called Bob?








c) The former deputy president of a country?









What did we do to deserve this!

Thats one thing but the geniues doesnt seem to see any problem concerning his own risk of getting AIDS by having unprotected sex with a women who is known to carry the HIV virus?

No wonder so many South Africans are dying daily from the desease.

God help us, please.

I nearly wet myself!

This brightened up my Sunday slog around Pick and Pay to a massive extent!


Take a close look at the head gear the lady in the foregrounds sporting......

Its a witch hat, i couldnt believe it, the whole outfit was odd but the hat was properly stupid.

I tried to get more pics but got busted so i had to duck behind the fruit section in a hurry.

Its the little things that make my life interesting.

Classic

Bounce?

"Im not sure what i did the whole day Friday to be honest.........i remember seeing a link on Aquila and then the day just seem to disappear......"


Can you get addicted to this sort of thing?

Is it too late?


When i close my eyes i see bouncing DD's and Yoga A's....

Help!

Lucky!

This puts life into perspective!


And i was pissed off that someone ate my cereal this morning!

Well done Peas

A fine victory last night by Peas at the Blog awards.


Well done Girl!

I assume there are hangovers all round today and deservedly so!

Happy Friday

Have a good weekend all, im off to Durbs for the wedding of the year, i hope, i am shitting myself to say a speech, must stay sober, must stay sober, must stay sober.....

What The F*ck is that!

Check this out!

Classic

Spotted in Durban this past weekend:

How do you like them apples?

What a moment to savour, this one doesnt need words (and im still very slow from a massive weekend)

Grab your ankles Matilda there's some waltzing to be done.

Sheep and lube, i think not!

My best mate is getting married next weekend and as his best man i'm flying to Durban to host his bachelors tomorrow. I must admit I haven’t had anytime to organize anything spectacular for the guy but armed with guilt I gave two ladies from work an unlimited budget to get some equipment for the event. Well, I never fell on my arse when I saw what the two supposedly normal collegeus arrived with.

Accompanying myself and a mate on a flight to Durban tomorrow will be:
Enough lube to make a runway slippery.
A fabulous blow up sheep.
Tiger print ankle restraints.
More lube
Strange lacy things
Stranger soft things
Scary harder things

The conservative Afrikaner and the black traditonal healer went into the Hustler sex shop in Rivonia and went to town!!

I’m not sure how i’m going to use all the stuff on the poor bastard but its going to be a cracker! If truth be told i’m not sure how some of this stuff is meant to be used in any event let alone at bachelors!


P.S Peas and Ant I believe I have more than enough lube if you are still looking!

No mate, it doesnt look cool.....

Spotted this a while back but i couldnt bring myself to look at it long enough to upload it.

Things to look for
1) The wife beater vest
2) The hair on its shoulders!

Enjoy.

That cant be good for the brand......

Energade just took one in the nuts..... The title on News24 says it all:

Energade puts woman in hospital

Basically the story goes that their products just put a woman in hospital with burns from some liquid in a bottle of their juice. Not just any women but a pregnant one.

Lady and baby are both ok, thankfully.

Ouch....all that was missing to make this a complete nightmare was for her disabled puppy to get sick from it too....

A little bit of heaven

Lifes been a bit rough over the last 5 weeks with bad news being the order of the day on the home front but escape came in the form of a trip with some clients to Arabella.

The place is incredible and the weekend was brilliant. The souls refreshed and hopefully things will continue to improve.

I am a lucky bugger sometimes!

Windhoek Surprises

I have never been a fan of Windhoek due to it being about as entertaining as a broken toe but occasionally it delivers a surprise. It did just that last week on my monthly trip.


Right in the middle of Windhoek’s city centre was this gem of a billboard.

After that the usual german display of manners and dress sense had me rushng for the airport to return to my beloved Jozi.

Pink pants and a baby blue shirtwith 165 pockets being the average fashion of a dazed tourist apparently!

Excuse me sir: What time is Fear Factor on?

More water, more idiots.


God help us!


My favourite....:

"Van Niekerk thought he would be able to negotiate the water in his Mercedes-Benz.
But, "a bakkie coming from the opposite direction caused such a wave that my car stalled and there we were, at the mercy of the elements". "


When did Mercedes start making boats?

I have proof!

Are these they same people who watch Fear Factor SA perhaps?









Why would you drive through this?


Honeydew Northern JHB 9/2/2006